Framed
“Your wife should back off,” my friend Bill said.
“Why?”
“Because my cousin with the P.D. says so.”
That’s all I got from Bill. His warning seemed cryptic then, but not now.
The flash of a camera assaults me. Walking toward the courthouse, I spot the reporter with a life mission to malign me.
My storm is coming.
“Why?”
“Because my cousin with the P.D. says so.”
That’s all I got from Bill. His warning seemed cryptic then, but not now.
The flash of a camera assaults me. Walking toward the courthouse, I spot the reporter with a life mission to malign me.
My storm is coming.
Ah, I think you took a good bite. Not so cryptic that the meaning is lost. Enjoyed this.
ReplyDeleteyeah, I really like this too and it can grow in so many ways or stay exactly like this! Poignant!
ReplyDeleteSee, I like little bites of fiction that begin and end cryptic. A lot of people may say, "great start, now give me more." You've given the reader exactly what he or she needs - the start of something that spurs their imagination to create whatever they want from the thought. And this piece stays with the reader.
ReplyDeleteGlad you've jumped right into 3WW. Now if only we can get the Dyars (both fantastic writers) to giver it a spin. Work on it for me, will ya?
Yeah, cool banana's, nicely done in 58!
ReplyDeleteVery nice. I could fill in so much with my own overactive imagination, and I like seeing my mind jump on one idea and the next, reeling with possibilities. Well done!
ReplyDeleteStark and mysterious! Nice!
ReplyDeleteGreat start, now give me more.
ReplyDeleteOh, wait...
Seriously, that storm that's coming? It's going to be a doozy.
Well disciplined and mysterious.
ReplyDeleteOooh, made me eager to know the rest of the story. What's the rreporter's agenda? Well, I guess i'll just have to use my imagination ;o)
ReplyDeleteI liked this little piece.
ReplyDeleteIf you want to put it down correctly, you need to separate each spot of dialog from each other. Dialog needs its on line most of the time.
Like this:
“Your wife should back off,” my friend Bill said.
“Why?”
“Because my cousin with the P.D. says so.”
That’s all I got from Bill. His warning seemed cryptic then, but not now.
The flash of a camera assaults me. Walking toward the courthouse, I spot the reporter with a life mission to malign me. My storm is coming.
Just trying to help. Hope you don't mind.
Not only did you use a tough set of words, you made them work in an economy of space. And you have everyone interested in more. Good job!
ReplyDeleteI agree with both ThomG and Angel. I liked this very much, and I do want more! -Meg
ReplyDeleteThanks for the nice words.
ReplyDeleteAngel wrote, "Just trying to help. Hope you don't mind."
Not at all, Angel. In fact, I appreciate the suggestion. It's a funny thing in the online world when it comes to writing: folks tend to either offer unrestrained praise, or they slam something outright.
I didn't know that it was a rule that dialog should have those sorts of line breaks, but it certainly does make the dialog more engaging.
ahh the story unfolds....
ReplyDeleteShort and crisp
ReplyDelete